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Professional Reviews

So this anonymous working mother walks into a bar (okay, small theatre) and hands a manuscript to an allegedly progressive political satirist. It makes him reconsider his own beliefs and teaches him that the phrase “a woman’s choice” needs to be expanded to include another issue that calls to mind back allies, exploitation, and conspiracies of silence. The next time I call a politician a whore, it will be a compliment.

Barry Crimmins, Author of Never Shake Hands with a War Criminal

Reviews from Readers

Praise for a brilliant non-fiction page turner; a force to be reckoned with.With unharnessed honesty, keen witticisms and insights, a very necessary sense of humor, healthy outrage and deep compassion, Aphrodite Phoenix paints a vivid portrait of damaging cultural hypocrisies and prejudices, while unapologetically advocating conscious choice as a force of empowerment and liberation. This should be required reading for University Social Work and Psychology programs across this country and around the world. This is the second time I’ve read “A Woman Whose Calling is Men”, in two years. In many ways this work is more important now than two years ago, or even five years ago when it was released. I wish I had had these books when I was a young, single mom and couldn’t afford diapers for my young son and we lived on slim pickings from the food closet and food stamps that were never enough; when I had to work shit jobs while being enslaved in the welfare state. I want every girl and boy coming of age to read these books. And their parents, and grandparents. And it’s extremely well written.

Julie McIntyre, New Mexico, author of
Sex and the Intelligence of the Heart; Nature, Intimacy and Sexual Energy.

Aphrodie Phoenix has written two superb books[which have been recently and conveniently rolled into one]. The first details her experiences and the other is a collection of essays which focus on issues relating to prostitution and feminism. Both are page-turners. There is some healthy anger in there, which is fuelled by habitually being misunderstood and systematically criminalised, and which is directed at her misinformed and self-righteous persecutors (particularly feminist extremists). Her writing moves from gritty, sharp and down-to-earth when dealing with her life and experiences to erudite analysis when considering the big issues and questions surrounding prostitution. It’s rare that an author can address the popular and academic simultaneously. What makes her work current and very different from that of her happy hooker contemporaries is that she isn’t describing, she’s fighting.

Marcus Segretti,
London, UK

Hi there Aphrodite, I LOVE your books. I bought books one and two from the A Woman Whose Calling is Men series. Your writing is so friggin liberating! Not only the beautiful perspective on sex work, but just the perspective on the redundancy of hating men. I work in refugee camps with a UN agency – I’m in Bangladesh right now but I’ve been all over the place. I often assist women and girls who’ve been trafficked into sex work. I’m so grateful for how your ideas help me to see the whole experience of what these girls have been through and why some of them actually choose to continue in the work after being initially forced into it.

You are GREAT!!!

Jane Williamson,
U.N. Human Rights Worker

This is actually two books in one. The first primarily details the experiences of Phoenix while working as a USA escort. She tells us about her reasons for joining the business, her family life, parents’ illness, tragedies and joys, and also about her intellectual journey and her spiritual awakening through being an escort. In the second section, Phoenix shares her thoughts about feminism and sex worker activism through a series of essays. She includes an idealized manifesto for a sex worker future where their work is once again [since prepatriarchal times] revered and understood as a sacred healing force.

I found myself agreeing with so much in this book which reaches out to both the public and academics. It is an easy and enjoyable read, and also insightful and positive.

The title is intriguing: Are They Bad Girls or Brilliant?. Phoenix uses the question mark because her book is a response to the questions that an outsider to the sex industry may ask in order to understand why someone like her would enter the sex trade.

This is a journey that we can empathize with in so many ways. For example, in an early chapter entitled “Just an Afternoon of Terror and Joy”, Phoenix describes the mixture of excitement and terror that USA escorts feel when meeting a new client, because prostitution is a criminal offense there. The excitement is tinged with a real sense of danger. The fear is not that the client may be dangerous but rather that the meeting may be a police sting. The fear felt by the escort is shared by the client, because he is criminalized as well. The sense of relief felt by both as they hug and discreetly frisk each other for hidden wires is palpable. It is a scene of two people in danger, not of criminals.

At the end of that chapter Phoenix explains why she is willing to risk arrest. She writes:

“I walk back through the bustling hotel housekeepers. We resume all those sweet wordless greetings. My heart goes out to them now. I think of all the cleanings they have to do, and how, as with me, their work is performed for strangers. They purge away dust, lint, litter, loose hairs, used sheets, semen-streaked towels like the one I’ve just left behind, tub scum, toilet filth…I consider their low pay. I consider
how awful some people think my work is. How much “worse” it must be than the maids’.
I think of the pleasure I give. I think of the stress I relieve. I think of how I do it all naturally. Not Toxically. Not pharmaceutically.
And I think of the money I make.
I feel so good I could shout.”

I think this just about sums up how most sex workers feel about their work when criticized for their choices. I am sure the public will also sympathize with the fear and ask: where is the crime?

I also felt a personal resonance reading Phoenix’s description of how sex work has had a positive effect upon both her physical health and mental well being. She understands this as part of her personal awakening to an awareness of Goddess worship. She describes (with many references) the fact that healing once was the preserve of women and that part of that healing process was sexual. The sacredness of sex as practiced by priestesses who were also sacred prostitutes resonates throughout the book.

Phoenix describes her life as an escort as a positive learning experience. In it, she has learned not only about herself but also about the human condition. She writes:

“I intuited, right from the onset, that sex work can be healthy because sex work can be spiritual”.

Phoenix goes on to say:

“I was a mother, homemaker, gardener, exerciser, healer, writer and whore. All were seamlessly, wholly, my path”.

Are They Bad Girls or Brilliant? is a revelatory vision. It is the story not of a “happy hooker”—many will try and dismiss her as such—but of a tragedy-challenged woman who falls in love, is arrested, brings up children, copes with parents’ illness and loss and does all of this while being a sex worker.

Phoenix is an intelligent and well read woman whose intellectual and emotional journey has resulted in the writing of a book that will become a classic.

Douglas Fox, London, U.K. blogger and spokesman for sex workers’ rights
www.harlotsparlour.com

I bought A Woman Whose Calling is Men because I liked Working, My Life as a Prostitute, by Dolores French. I bought both books, and I highly recommend it. Like French, Aphrodite Phoenix is proud to be a whore, but she also has a certain kind of moral agenda that I’ve never seen before. Phoenix believes that prostitutes should be exceptionally caring. She feels that any prostitute who isn’t should not be allowed in the work. She also has many surprising things to say about the clients, most of it very positive. Her books are full of eroticism and expose the work as it is, but she adds something very unique. She stands out because she’s a mother. Her motherhood makes me think of her as a kind of Everywoman, and her spirituality makes me think of her as a leader. Everyone should read her books, no matter where they stand on prostitution or paganism. Phoenix reaches out powerfully to everyone pro or con.This may be the sex worker/author who finally breaks the ice. And does she ever go after the abolitionists! Yowch! I’m glad I’m not one of them.

S. Altman, Coventry, R.I.

This is not another book by a self-serving callgirl. This is about a single mother who found a way out of poverty and depression. This author gets pretty feisty, and her reasons are totally righteous, mostly anger at the outlaw status that whores are forced to live in. She’s a dedicated mother and into the healthy lifestyle, not the kind of prostitute people usually picture. She became a prostitute for all the right reasons, to provide well for her family and also to feel self-empowered. She speaks out to everyone, wives and feminists, the media, and men and other prostitutes. She shows anger to those who deserve it, but compassion and kindness are her main qualities. It was very eye-opening to read about how prostitution and healing can be so interrelated.

Andrea Morgan, Fort Collins, CO

FASCINATING!!! This is the best description of personal experience that I’ve ever seen written by a prostitute. Phoenix has experienced some soulful transitions on the level of born-again. The fact that it happened while she was in sex work is what makes her interesting. Her treatment of men is so full of compassion that at one point I actually cried. But she’s no pushover, either. I would not want to be a sociopath trying to mess with her! What really gets me is her ability to sympathize with men and see the goodness in good men, in spite of her relationships with abusers.

I’m also impressed by her total dedication to the healthy, self-healing way of life. Who woulda figured a prostitute would do that. But then again, why not?

Jim Becker, Andover, MA

Aphrodite Phoenix is a passionate humanist and insightful progressive who just happened to reach the fruition of her gifts on the path of the magnanimous whore. She glows with the fire of the born mediator. Also, she writes beautifully.

Nancy Tanner, Scottsdale, AZ

This is the most relentless defense of prostitutes’ rights that’s ever filled a book. Relentless and convincing. I thought this would be just another raunchy book by another happy hooker, but every place I opened Book One, I didn’t want to stop reading. The same thing happened with Book Two. This is a truly great writer, who knows how to get your attention, and keep it.

S. J. Ciretti, Portland, ME

When I read Books One and Two, I couldn’t shake the conviction that sexual promiscuity is just plain old-fashioned wrong. Call me a prude, call me moralistic, but even this brilliant writer doesn’t sway me. Professional promiscuity is just as wrong, even when it’s as responsible as Phoenix would like it to be. But I have to admit after reading her books that regardless of my moral objections, I can see the importance of legalizing prostitution. The profession will always be with us, and pretending it’s not is detrimental to women. We should keep it right in front of us, protectively regulated, because to look the other way is irresponsible and cruel.

I saw that Phoenix is actually very monogamous. I felt relieved but more than a little confused when I saw that she’s devoted and even self-sacrificing when it comes to love and marriage. I have trouble understanding how a woman so morally twisted could also be such a great thinker and wife. But I realize the fault might be mine. That’s what makes her books powerful—she makes me look hard at my own learned attitudes.

Dawn Silverman, Arlington, VA

From one Boomer to another: THANK YOU!!! Your books are the proof that we’re not all just a bunch of burned-out old farts, thinking of nothing but our retirements and assets. Thank you for pointing out the injustice, hypocrisy, greed, gluttony, and pharmaceutical dependency that makes the world disrespect America! Too few of us have done enough lately to make our culture better, or ourselves. You’re a powerful and beautiful voice for us all, not just the sex workers.

Harry Rosenbaum, Brooklyn, NY

On the website it says that this book set will make you “laugh, cry, and come”. That’s a pretty strong claim, I wanted to see if there’s any truth to it, and there is. But most of all, these books made me think. I consider myself a fairly well read person, and I have to say that no other author has left me with so much to think about. I definitely don’t feel the same way about prostitution. I never knew until now that it can empower any woman, she just needs the right attitude and a decent place to do it. I never knew until now that the kindest woman you’ll ever meet could actually be a whore. Aphrodite Phoenix is a very talented writer, and also must be a great sex worker, and obviously a great person. However, her older age is unusual in such a young women’s profession. That bothered me until I realized how much she could mentor young prostitutes, and how much that’s her point.

Mark Patterson, Rossford, Ohio

I never thought that prostitution should be legalized, but Aphrodite Phoenix makes me think twice. She advocates what’s needed in any great service, high standards for customer care. She wants to remove hate between the sexes, starting with the profession where men and women and sex intersect, and then she moves on to give useful advice regarding relationships. I think that anyone who reads her books will feel very touched and moved, even if they don’t like prostitution. I think that any reader will feel connected with this woman. This is the story of a courageous single mother who overcame terrible adversity, and never became bitter toward men, even though a lot of women would have. These books are damn sexy, too.

T. Breene, Harwich, MA

This is all very dangerous. If everything this author wants becomes lawful, women will be much more liberated than anyone ever imagined. I don’t know whether that will be a good thing or bad thing for society as a whole. But one thing for sure is these books are very engrossing. They are very well written, they are very erotic (in parts) but also very thought-provoking. They are definitely worth what they cost.

Charlie Hughes, Friendswood, TX

I always thought prostitutes are tragic and disgusting. Now I know so much more about them. Now I know there are healthy-minded prostitutes. These books have shown me an alternative lifestyle for women that seems really good for some women, in many ways if they’re cut out for it. The multiple-choice test to see if I’m qualified is very eye-opening, it made me face my deepest feelings about men and sex.

Mary Lynn Petrowski, Cheektowaga, NY

I’m an escort (callgirl) at work on my graduate degree. I’ve read everything written by prostitute activists, and this is the best thing yet. I hope the whole world reads these books.

It’s impossible to express all that Phoenix is doing for sex workers, and for people in general.

L.H., Seattle, WA

What a great writer. She changed me with regard to prostitution. She writes in a way that makes me feel like I’m watching a movie. I’ve read both books and they are all page-turners. Even Book Two which gets a little wordy, it kept my attention because Phoenix is so passionate, she has so much to share. She’s very intellectual, but she’s also very moving. Sometimes she moved me to tears.

Kaitlin Moriarty, Marco, LA

This woman is twisted. She thinks she can make a whore moral. I was raised very conservative, so someone like her is shocking. This is a truly free country, don’t ever doubt it if someone like her can publish ideas like that. I have to admit however, she is a very good writer. I read the first book, and I then I bought the second book, because I was very intrigued. In some ways she makes a lot of sense.

Steven Wickson, Coppersville, MI

Congratulations to Aphrodite Phoenix! Her book set is an epic-sized shot in the arm for the movement for prostitutes’ rights. I’ve read every book by every English-speaking prostitute that’s been written since the nineteen seventies. I’ve also read the writings by feminists who support sex workers’ rights. It was a little redundant to read so many quotes, but just the same I applaud this author for every page she’s written. Her work is politically compelling and psychologically gripping. She has collated many of the voices in the movement, in two books of eloquent narrative, with an emotional honesty that stuns and inspires, and with brilliant presentations of her arguments. Sometimes she gets a bit shrill, but that has to come with the territory — one can’t defend something illegal, treated with such prejudice and hypocrisy, without becoming enraged. But Phoenix also shows humor — she knows a true leader must.

The books were hard to put down. Every single time I thought of a rebuttal that the opposition might attack with, when I read on, I saw that she had it all covered. There’s nothing she leaves unsaid, no argument posed by the Religious Right or feminism or erotophobic minds that she doesn’t deeply consider, and respond to with disarming logic. I especially like her ideas for high moral standards for prostitutes. No one before her has presented that objective—not with such ambition, conviction and vision. She even offers a multiple-choice test to determine whether a woman is morally qualified! The “true whore”, as she describes the ideal, is by anyone’s standards a powerful woman, empowered by compassion most of all.

Kathleen R. Ferguson, feminist, Pasadena, CA

I think that a prostitute is an immoral woman. A woman should have sex with one man, only the man she loves. But I have to say that I like these books, even though I disagree. Aphrodite Phoenix is the kind of writer who keeps you interested. She’s really not so different from me. I don’t approve of sex work, but I can sympathize with all the problems that caused her to get into it. We all face the same challenges in life. Besides, I realize that this is a free country and if a woman wants to do that kind of work she should have the right to. After reading A Woman Whose Calling is Men I can see that prostitution might be right for some women. I never thought I would say that but now I know that it’s true. I also did not know that men are so nice to callgirls. Book Two is much longer and informative about everything that goes on in the callgirl business, and everything sex workers have to put up with that’s unfair and hypocritical. I read Book Two to satisfy my curiosity, but I also get angry when I read about how unfair things are for prostitutes. I used to think they deserve what they get, but now I know that’s wrong.

Michelle LaFontaine, Plymouth Meeting, PA.

Now I know the Antichrist is female.

Rick Sommers, Tallahassee, FLA

To tell the truth, I was looking for something really trashy. All I wanted to read about is a girl having lots of sex. I figured a book about a hooker would deliver, but this book is a class act. At first I thought too much class. Or I should say, these two books. I read the first book, and it was sexy as hell in some places. But when I read about her family her feelings and bad times, I wasn’t bored like I thought. I wanted to see how she made out. She made out great, and I enjoyed it. I like what she has to say about men. I just ordered the second book.

Mike Pelligrini, Trenton, NJ

I have been a callgirl for nine years, and these books are my bible. I got rid of the agencies and I’m starting to see my clients in much better lights. It is all because of those books. My father left when I was four and my uncle abused me sexually. It is a big job for me to really like sex work for the right reasons and understand men but I am learning. I am also doing much less recreational drugs and I started to work out and eat better.

N. T., New York City

I would like to be this woman’s bodyguard. She is going to need one, because she speaks the truth, and too many people can’t handle the truth. I would like to meet her and protect her.

Bobby St. James, Corpus Christi, TX

While I read this I thought, this woman is morally perverse. But she’s actually very principled, in ways that are other than sexual. She made me understand that a sex worker can shake off the moral restraints that society imposes on women, but remain very steadfast as nurturing, responsible, and bright. We are wrong to assume that the woman in sex work is just plain depraved or bad. Phoenix is proof of how wrong. She shows that a woman can go out every day and do something (for damn good money) that most women consider profane, but also be devoted to a healthy lifestyle and good parenting, and also be spiritual.

What I admire the most about Phoenix is she has kept her presumably discordant roles from causing her psychic pain. She has a lot of integrity. “I soon understood … that the money wasn’t the only thing that would maintain my sense of worth … unless I developed a very high standard of caring [for the clients], I would lose respect for myself. I would cheat the goals of nurture that had always shaped my self-esteem.”

Her pain comes from our culture’s refusal to accept the women in sex work. Also from her predisposition (in relationships) to chose men who let her down. But I would be quite a hypocrite if I criticized Phoenix for that. That’s something a lot of us do to ourselves.

Marie Santoro, Goodyear, AZ

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